I miss him...

It's definitely been a rough couple of days between Chris and me. I feel as though we've become so distant even when we're sitting right next to one another. I look at his face and I can see that there's something there that he's not saying and it's killing me. I feel like we're trying so hard to put whatever happened this weekend behind us and it's obvious. He's not the same as he used to be, his body language and the way he talks to me is just different. I don't know if he's bouncing off of me but it's getting to be so hard. I wish he would just be honest, I feel like it's always me doing the talking and he doesn't say anything. I miss him. We were sitting on the couch and I looked at him and thought "God, I miss him, what happened?". I don't know what's going on and it's making me so worried. I don't know what to do, it's just not the same.

I know that when you love some one you have to take the good with the bad and if something happens that you don't agree with, you have to figure out if you can put it aside. I'm trying so hard to do that. I have problems with his occupation and I'm trying to work through them, but I've become so insecure because of it. I don't know when I started doubting myself and putting myself down but I know it's been within the past year and a half. He keeps telling me to be me, but I feel like if I am, that it won't be good enough, or toned enough or smart, happy enough. I am so afraid that I'll loose him and it's hard seeing him at work and watching him with his female clients. I just don't know how long I can keep working through this.

He's always so proud of his clients and going to that fitness show a couple weeks ago just made it so much more difficult. He kept saying over and over how proud he was of her and I've never gotten that. I'm his girlfriend and can't remember him ever saying he was proud of me. He left my college graduation early to go to a rec. softball game. I know I need to get over it, but with all of this going on, I can't get it out of my head. That was such a huge milestone and he left, he walked out. All the horse shows I did last year, he came to two of them. It make me so upset when I think about this and then he tells me the he "loves me and that I'm being ridiculous" but am I? I just don't know where to go or what to do from here...