Making them, facing them, creating them, they're never fun and I'm a pro at avoiding them - until they sneak up on me. I over think ALL THE TIME, I over analyze and I try to think of all the possibilities and then I get myself in trouble. You see when I over think, and over analyze, my imagination likes to make the best of it, it's almost like a brain buster and it just enjoys fabricating things in my brain. Now, I'm not saying that my imagination is a bad thing, it's proven to be very useful and I enjoy endulging in something creative often - just not when I need my brain to focus on the task at hand. Often times when I start to think of something, I get carried away. It's all fine and dandy until I'm convincing myself that something happened or that someone did this or that, and this was their motive and they don't really care (no I'm not just talking about someone is particular).
Well luckily the decision I'm trying to make isn't doing that this time, it's not letting my imagination get the best of me. It's because this decision is serious, it's not something that can be messed around with. I have to make a decision and stick with it, once I commit, I have to give everything to it since it will affect the rest of my life.
My initial decision to attend law school gave me options. It's providing me with opportunities that I wouldn't have otherwise, but as I'm studying for the LSAT's and going to the LSAT class twice a week, I sit here and think, is this what I really want? I honestly don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm an English major, I love to read and write and ride horses....so where is this going to take me? Well so far it's taken me into the real world and handed me a title that says "assistant" somewhere. I know I do not want to do this for the rest of my life and it's nothing against the people I work with or the place itself, it's just not for me. I need challenges and stimuli, I need responsibilites and deadlines. I enjoy working on things down to the wire, I love reading to find the meaning behind the meaning, but can that support me through life? Chances are...no.
So law school, I still like the idea and have always been interested in law, but what I'm worried about now is working full time and attending school part time. I hate the fact that I'm restricted on where I apply (there are only two school in this state that offer law school part time) and that I'm stuck here. I do love it here, I think if I ever left I'd always wind up coming back, but just the fact that I HAVE to stay here is driving me crazy. There's also the work load, I'm really nervous about attending class four nights a week after work and commuting to wherever I'm accepted. But my only other option is full time and how are the bills going to be paid? Also, I really don't like the idea of graduating with a whole boat load of student loans, talk about stress. Do any of you readers have suggestions? Have you been in similiar shoes? I'd appreciate any comments.
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