Where does our inspiration come from?

With my old but rejuvenated interest in art recently, I've been thinking about this question a lot lately. I've always loved art - whether it's creating it, reading about it, looking at it, writing about it, there's just something about art that makes me feel alive. The SR course that I'm taking is all about that, seeing art in a different light, looking deep within yourself to find you and accepting yourself and those around you for who they are. Art is expression, it is peace, freedom, love, it's everything and it's everywhere.


So back to my question: Where does our inspiration come from? For me, it came from a complete stranger telling me to just keep going, to not give up when it seemed difficult and to find time for it - for myself. Her name is Melody Ross and she is the co-founder of the Brave Girls' Club and this amazing Soul Restoration course. Without realizing it, she has helped me in so many ways. Although I did not acknowledge this last night, as I look back I realize that I needed to feel as though my whole world just fell a part. I did, I fell into so many pieces that I'm still picking them back up. Chris and I were in an argument over something juvenile, but you know how it goes, one of us gets upset over something stupid the other one did and then that person's mad because the other person's mad and it's just a vicious cycle of being mad "until we get home". But that's neither here nor there because I ended up sliding on ice, winding up partially under Chris' car. I was so angry, furious at him for everything and as I sit here typing, I'm still mad at him. Anyway, I went right to the shower sat on the shower floor and cried. I haven't cried to the point of sobbing in a long time and maybe that's exactly what I needed.

I need to stop letting people's words affect how it makes me feel. I know they're not true, but I think I get upset because I feel as thought that's how they view me. And when I'm upset, all of my inspiration and braveness goes out the window. I need to make time for the art, I need to make time for me to be happy and slowly work on being happy every day. I love all of the art projects and I bought a few canvases that I'd like to try making something with, but I have to put in the time and I think once I do that, I will be a little bit happier each day.

That's just it though...time. Where does it go? From the time I leave the house in morning for work until I get home at 8:00pm after going right to the gym, I'm tired. I know I need to stop running myself all over the place, but I feel like I'll fall a part if I don't have a schedule...and then I feel so guilty when I don't go to the gym. Like sooooo incredibly guilty. And why is that? I have no idea, I think it's because I do have insecurities (and while I will not mention what they are here, I will just say that I have them) and dating a personal trainer does not make it any easier. Melody keeps telling us that we should not compare ourselves to anyone else, and I agree with her 100%. We are who we are and there's a reason why everyone is different...if everyone was the same then we'd all just get so bored of one another. Comparing ourselves to other people is human nature...and it sucks. I hate comparing myself to others and I know I'm doing it, but I still keep doing it. But it's not with everyone, it's only when I feel threatened or my relationship feels threatened (there I said it). I feel like a big part of it is that as humans, we find it so incredibly hard to trust - to trust other people but more specifically to trust ourselves. If we trusted what was in our heart, our soul, if we believed in ourselves, we wouldn't feel the need to compare ourselves to what others have or what they look like and we'd be able to trust other people more.

Believing in ourselves is one of the hardest things to do. When we believe in ourselves, we let go of the vulnerability, the insecurity, the hurt, the loneliness and sometimes we're dropped on our asses and handed more boundaries to overcome but each time we're dropped, it brings us closer to the end result, the realization, the path you're supposed to take. It's hard to see it when it happens, but when the hurt and confusion end, the path becomes a little less messy and the sun shines a little brighter. Just hang on and believe that you will feel uplifted and happy and at some point, you will stop comparing yourself to others. For me, this is what I'm working really hard on and is it working? We'll find out.