So today's Valentine's Day and while Chris and I have decided not to "celebrate" it, he still surprised me with a beautiful present. Even everyone in the office is in a good mood, I think that regardless of what people view Valentine's day as, I can't help but notice that majority of everyone is in a good mood. I feel the love everywhere! Granted I also have my absolutely amazing boyfriend to come home to today (usually he's at work).
And on that note, I want to take this second to apologize to him and to myself. I've been a mess, depressed, upset, angry and I take it all out on him and he doesn't deserve it. He always tries to make me feel better and I just get even more angry with him. I know I'm doing it but I don't know how to let it go. The hardest part is that I see how much it hurts him and he just doesn't know what to do. He's an incredible person and I wish that I could just be as happy with everything in my life as I am with him. I hate feeling like this and I hate the way I make him feel. Recently I've just been very insecure with myself and I know it has a lot to do with the way I view myself - inward and outward and I don't know how to fix it.
I have this great guy and awesome apartment, I have a full time job and yet I'm still unhappy. I have figured out that it's everything going on in my life - Chris doesn't have anything to do with my unhappiness and he still stays with me through my craziness. I need to find that happiness in everything, I think the sun and warm weather giving us a glimpse of Spring is helping. I need to stop letting little things bother me and remember how awesome the few things in my life are. I need to have faith and believe that things will work out, that everything will be okay and I won't feel like this forever.
I am a happy person, I am in love and I just need to remember all of this - and keep reminding myself every single day. Take deep breaths and have faith.
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