a work of art in more ways than one

I just finished watching the movie, "Remember Me", and the ending definitely surprised me. For all of you who have yet to see it, I'm going to ruin the ending. At first, when I finally realized what was going on/going to happen, I literally stopped the movie and wasn't sure I'd be able to handle watching it. It wasn't gore nor horror or anything of the sort, it was more emotional, I felt my heart pause making me so anxious I could hardly breathe - but then all of the anxiety building up, I couldn't not finish it. So I sat down and pushed play. The anxiety eventually turned into the feeling of confusion, the same feeling I got exactly 9 years, 10 months and 29 days ago. I remember sitting in my eighth grade literature class waiting for my name to be called over the loud speaker letting me know my mom was in the office waiting for me. I remember the beep of the speaker and, assuming it was for me, began gathering up my things -well, it wasn't for me. Name after name after name was being called and within seconds teachers cell phones started vibrating. The principal interupted the name calling informing teachers and students not to turn on the news...that was an order. Rather, an "incident" occured in Manahattan and if teachers had loved ones who worked in the buisness district that they should get in contact with them immediately. After hearing that, sheer panic errupted. Finally, I heard my name, knowing what I was being called down for wasn't anything to me, but my teacher looked at me with sorrowful eyes telling me "everything was going to be ok". As I walked to the office, I saw mothers and fathers with tears crowding the hallway. Finally, I saw my mom with a look of sheer terror on her face rushing me to the car and as I got in, I thought why is she so upset? I'm only getting my tooth pulled. Little did I know, my dad was calling her, while we were sitting in the parking lot, saying that he wouldn't be coming home that night nor did he know when he would be, but that he loved us and he'd call when he could. That was the last time I heard his voice through my mother's ear for three days.

Now, I know my experience with this horrific event is no where near anything that someone else has gone through on that day and I am so very sorry for any of you that had. The only reason why I'm bringing this up is because this is something that was burried deep within me that was put there almost ten years ago and tonight it decided to surface...

Which brings me back to the movie and the reason for my post, the anxiety of possibly seeing it again whether or not is re-enacted or not is what caught hold of me and really bothers me. Because even though it's just a movie, it brings back memories of a day that none of us want to ever relive. A day where people were in places they have never been but for some reason were there. A day when you get up for school in the morning just like the other four days during the week and wind up home a few hours early listening to your parent/s on the phone with aunts, uncles, friends etc. But this movie made me think about everything that I've done in my life and want to do and what is stopping me. Robert Pattinson's character says "Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into your life and half of you says you're no where near ready, but the other half says make [them] yours forever". And while I agree with what he's saying, I also think that whatever a person does is significant to them. The choices we make and the paths we choose make us who we are. The people in our lives are those that we have chosen to be there. Our closest friends are there because we trust them. Family is there because we love them and the members of the family that we've been careful to bond with has grown over the years because you share a blood relation (I'm just speaking personally). But I believe that friends are so incredibly special because there was a reason we were brought together and maintained a relationship throughout the years. Regardless of the reason there's is a special trust and love for each individual, one that cannot be duplicated. So, back to my whole interpretation of the message from this movie is that we really must treasure everything and everyone in our lives. I know for me, it's been an especially difficult year so far and while I have ended a very close friendship a few months ago, I still think back and wonder if doing that was really the best thing. I truly believe that the people in your life help shape you into the person you become and if you ever loose someone, you loose a part of yourself. The self that you were when around that person. The piece of your personality that they brought out in you. Every one of the people in your life is different from the next thereby adding a little piece of themselves to you and vice versa. A friend of mine was in a predicament a few weeks ago and when I finally saw her she told me that while in the midst of it all, she thought about what I would've done, which helped her make a difficult dicision. Knowing that the person I am and the friendship we have helped her make an important decision made me feel so incredibly special. Wherever your life takes you remember the people in your life because they are with you wherever you go, deep inside the space that is filled with the piece they left you and this, all of those tiny pieces puzzled together - has created a masterpiece...YOU.